Our little project, ten years in the making....

Today is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. It occurred to me that this might be a good day to tell you about my baby. I wrote something for him shortly after his birthday and I am going to share that with you. So, here it is.

On August 22, 2013 at 6:58 PM, Jasper Sagan  was born. He was 8 pounds 7 ounces and 21 inches long. We waited a long time to meet this little guy. I didn't get to see his eyes. I wish I would have looked. He had lots of wavy dark blond hair, but his eye lashes had a slight red tint to them. He didn't get that from me, that was all his daddy. His skin was so light, just like both of ours. He did have my long toe. He happened to be only one of two boys in the family with one. He had pointy ears like his Grandma Nanny and lips like his cousin Samantha.

Jasper loved when I would eat raw vegetables. He was always so excited afterwords. I know he would have loved to eat them himself. He also got very excited at the sound of his daddy's voice. He and I spent a lot of time awake together at night. I know he was going to be my little insomniac buddy. He wiggled around for the Doctor Who theme. We hiccuped together. Sometimes he liked to kick me in the stomach and try to make me puke but his daddy could always get him to calm down.

Those are the only memories we will have of him. I'm thankful for them but I wish there were more. I wish I could have seen him smile and heard him laugh and cry. I wish that when I held his little hand he would have squeezed my fingers the way that most babies do. I wish I could have seen him in his skull diapers. I wish he could have met the pups.

He's always on my mind. It took ten years to make the perfect baby. I'm honored to be his mom, even if our time together was short. I'm positive that he was smart like his dad and probably silly like his mom. As Chris has said a few times, he changed us. He made us parents. We will never forget him and we will love him always.